


we kiss better in darkness

by minuteparticulars



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Slow Burn, both of them are cast in the spring musical, musical AU, useless lesbian emma and oblivious alyssa, we'll see how long I last, well as slow as I can make it with the two of them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-08-20 09:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minuteparticulars/pseuds/minuteparticulars
Summary: For Alyssa Greene, the spring musical is a huge inconvenience. Her junior year is already hectic enough without trying to fit it into her busy schedule just to satisfy some stupid arts requirement.For Emma Nolan, the spring musical is a big problem. She's already given the gossip mill at James Madison enough fodder to last them all the way to graduation. She really doesn't need to add to it by getting up on stage.orWhat happens when Emma and Alyssa both get cast in the school musical only to discover that maybe it's not so bad after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These two idiots would not leave me alone and this is what happened. My plan is to alternate between Alyssa and Emma's point of view from one chapter to the next so we'll see how it goes. A big thanks to The Prom for giving us their love story to listen to over and over again. Enjoy! 
> 
> Title from "Neon" by Lykke Li

Alyssa Greene does _not_ have time to be in the Spring musical. She barely has time for cheer practice, debate team, and student government not to mention those straight A’s she’s expected to keep. So the fact that she has to participate in the Spring musical in order to get the arts credit she needs all because she did _not _have time to be in the Fall play… completely inconvenient. A personal attack really. Why does she need an arts credit to graduate anyways? She can just picture the look on her mother’s face when she hears about this.

And sure, she could wait until her senior year to finish the credit, but senior year means even more responsibilities. It means running for student body president. It means becoming cheer captain and debate team captain and college applications and (she takes a moment to slow her breathing before she has another anxiety attack) Alyssa Greene will _not _have time for the Spring musical then either.

The voice inside her head that sounds an awful lot like her mother reminds her not to make a scene in public. She glances down the hallway to see if she’s been spotted by anyone, but the final bell has already rung for the day. Everyone who didn’t get stuck spending their Friday afternoon at school is already home enjoying their weekend. Not standing in this hallway being mocked by a poster. She considers tearing it down before she thinks better of it. It’s not like it would change her current predicament. _It would probably feel pretty good though. _

Speaking of her current situation, she can’t tell her mother about this yet. She’ll just have to figure a way out of it. Maybe she can get her debate coach to sign a note excusing her from it. Or maybe she can persuade Mr. Hawkins that cheerleading is enough of a creative outlet for her. Mr. Hawkins is the key. If she can just talk to him surely he’ll understand where she’s coming from. After all, she’s never asked for special treatment before.

She’s always been an exemplary student, she’s never caused problems, and she’s never complained about her workload before. Until now, that is. It’s just that Alyssa Greene does _not _have time to do the Spring musical. And if it means she doesn’t have to sing and dance in front of the whole school, well then, that is just an added benefit. That’s all.

* * *

She spends most of debate practice drafting up a plan of attack. She’ll catch Mr. Hawkins right at the start of lunch on Monday in his office. She’ll lay out her many accomplishments and all of the hours she’s put in for this school already and he’ll have to see reason. If that doesn’t work she’s not above using other less scrupulous tactics… like begging. Maybe crying if she thinks it might work. She’ll have to read the room.

Anything to avoid the look of disgust—and of course disappointment, always disappointment—on her mother’s face when she has to break the news that her daughter will be singing and dancing. In front of other people. Likely wearing some ridiculous costume. She slumps over the desk with a groan at the thought. She runs a frustrated hand through the mass of thick curls obscuring her vision. A couple of bobby pins fall out, forgotten in her haste to finish this before her mother comes to pick her up.

Practice ends sooner than she’d like and she realizes she hasn’t paid attention to a word their coach said about the upcoming invitational. She’ll have to text Shelby later. Her stomach is still in knots when she see a familiar black SUV idling right outside of the doors. Alyssa takes one final look back down the hall before she hurries out to the car. She’s already clicking her seat belt in and reaching for her phone before she realizes that they haven’t left the school yet.

“What kept you so long, sweetie?”

She panics.

“Sorry, mom. Practice ran a little late today, Coach Webber was just filling us in on the invitational coming up in a few weeks. You’ve probably had a long day so we don’t need to stick around we can just go straight home. That’s totally fine with me.”

If Alyssa could smack herself without arousing even more suspicion she would. How many times has her mother told her that ladies do not ramble. They talk thoughtfully, with purpose, and only when they have something worthwhile to say. Her word vomit is definitely going to raise red flags. She shifts in her seat as her mother looks her over, eyebrows raised inquisitively, before pulling out of the parking lot.

Alyssa releases the air trapped in her lungs and takes her mother’s lack of questioning as a good omen. Looking out the window to hide the hope bubbling up she relaxes for the first time all day. If she can get past her mother then Mr. Hawkins should be no problem. Come Monday, there is no way that Alyssa Greene is going to be doing the Spring musical.

* * *

“What do you mean I _have _to do the Spring musical!”

The weekend had flown by like it always does. First there was the backlog of lab reports to type up and the last few chapters of their latest English assignment to read. Then the Becketts down the street had their bi-weekly date night leaving Alyssa to baby-sit the twins. Followed by church on Sunday which was an all-day affair and before she knew it Alyssa was standing in Principal Hawkins office, her carefully crafted argument shattered at her feet.

“I’m sorry, Alyssa. I know what your workload is like and I know how hard you work at it. But if I make a special exception for you I’ll have to start making one for everybody," Mr. Hawkins pushes himself out of his chair to make his way around the desk.

“The musical is an important event for our school. I think if you dedicate yourself to this like you do everything else you may get more out of it than you expect.” He reaches around her for the door knob, “also, you don’t have a choice if you want to graduate. But the inspirational thing I just said sounded a lot better so definitely focus on that.”

“I can’t- I mean- You wouldn’t-” She’s stumbling over her words now as a hand guides her gently, but firmly, back out into the hall.

“If you would just listen for a second I swear- oh!”

She startles as she’s finally ejected out of the office right back into something solid. _Someone, actually. _Standing there, entirely too close for Alyssa’s comfort, looking just as shocked is Emma Nolan. The social pariah herself. Alyssa’s heard the rumors of course, they’re impossible to miss, but she’s never put too much stock in them. She’s seen the other girl in passing since they started, but every time it’s fleeting. When she does manage to catch a glimpse of her, Emma looks like she’s doing her best to go unseen as she hurries down the hall.

It never seems to stop Alyssa though. She can’t help but look for Emma from class to class. It’s just that she feels bad for Emma. All of the taunts and harmful pranks over something she has no control over. What’s the big deal anyways? So what if Emma _is_ into girls. She ignores the way that thought makes her chest tighten in favor of taking a closer look at the girl in front of her.

Her soft honey-blonde waves are pulled back in a half ponytail, the rest tucked behind her ears, and her eyes are locked on Alyssa. She looks wary, like Alyssa might snap at her at any moment for simply being here. To the contrary, Alyssa feels a flicker of excitement run through her. She’s been meaning to find a way to approach the other girl for a while now without the rest of the school noticing. If she could just talk to her away from her gossip-loving peers she might be able to convey that she isn’t like them.

This desperation to talk to Emma isn’t new—she’s always thought they could be friends if she just had the courage to approach her—but it’s certainly increased since the rumor started. Much to her own confusion. She has plenty of friends so she’s not sure why she feels the need to befriend Emma so strongly. Whatever the reason, it’s been getting harder and harder to ignore her. And now here she is, alone, and currently standing inches from Alyssa with one hand on her elbow to steady her.

“Excuse me, ladies.” Mr. Hawkins clears his throat behind them and Emma takes a careful step backwards. Alyssa feels a twinge of something she doesn’t dare think about as Emma removes her hand and tucks it back into her pocket. Alyssa rushes to smooth out her unwrinkled clothes and adjust the perfectly fine straps of her backpack just to give her hands something to do. _Why are you being so awkward right now?!_

“You wouldn’t happen to be stopping by to convince me that you _also_ do not need to participate in the Spring musical, would you Emma?” Mr. Hawkins is looking at Emma now with a smirk, but Alyssa notices the way he keeps glancing at her and the way she can’t stop fidgeting. She really wishes he wouldn’t.

“Nope. No. Not me. Absolutely not, would never have even dreamed of it, sir,” Emma deadpans.

Emma is all wide innocent eyes as she says it and Alyssa can’t help but be charmed. A quick laugh escapes at the “sir” before she can compose herself again. A quirk of the lips is the only indication that Emma’s heard her, but she drops the act after that. Instead, she launches into what Alyssa is sure is a very thorough and well thought out argument about why she shouldn’t have to participate in the musical since she’s already in band. Alyssa knows that Emma isn’t far behind her for that top spot in the class and she has no doubt that Emma spent the whole weekend coming up with ways to convince Mr. Hawkins to see her side of things. It’s what she did after all. Alyssa smothers the warm feeling bubbling up in her chest and jumps into the conversation.

“Save your breath. I already tried it and he won’t budge.” Now that she’s spoken up she can’t back out. This might be the only opportunity she gets to talk to Emma outside of class. Alyssa begins to walk back towards the cafeteria nodding for Emma to follow. When she hears footsteps behind her she definitely does _not_ slow down to make the walk back to the cafeteria last longer. And she absolutely does _not_ get any kind of thrill out of the way Emma slows with her. Here’s her chance, now she just has to get the words out. She opens her mouth to speak, but in a burst of sudden nerves, nothing comes. _Say something, Alyssa. Any of the many words you know. Just one would be great. _She’s starting to doubt her knowledge of the English language when Emma saves her from herself.

“So you’re not a big fan of soul-crushing humiliation either, huh?”

Alyssa doesn’t know if this is just Emma’s way of making small talk to fill the silence or if she actually wants to know. Either way she’s happy to take the baton and run with it.

“Not particularly, no. Though to be fair most of my objections were based on a lack of time more than anything else. I really don’t know how they expect us to do it all!” That may have been a bit too honest right off the bat, but Emma’s nodding along.

“I can imagine. You must be in, what, six different clubs at this point what with debate and student council and everything.” She looks down and bites her lip for a moment before turning back towards Alyssa, “Sometimes just being here for class is unbearable. I don’t know how you do it all.”

Alyssa wants to tell her that she knows the feeling. That sometimes she feels like the walls are closing in on her too. That she sees the way Emma makes herself smaller and smaller every day to go undetected. That she sees the way the other kids, her _friends_, treat her. That she sees her. What comes out instead is, “You know what clubs I’m in?”

If a person could die from embarrassment alone, Alyssa Greene would cease to exist as of this moment. _Making a great impression here, really, stellar conversation so far. _

“I mean, yeah, you’re on the morning announcements all the time and I always see you around after classes are over and I noticed that you carry different binders for different clubs since I’m pretty sure you color-code your supplies,” Emma sucks in a breath, “and now I sound like a stalker. I just mean that I pay attention. To you. Not that I like actively seek you out or anything! It’s just—you’re pretty hard to miss.”

There’s a pause while Alyssa tries (and fails) to process that. As cute as it is to watch the blush Emma is currently sporting spread rapidly with each second that passes; after a moment Alyssa decides to put the blonde out of her misery.

_Wait… cute? _

“Emma, it’s okay. I get it, I am kind of all over this school,” she drops her voice, “which is exactly how my mother likes it.”

Alyssa watches Emma’s brow furrow at her last comment and she looks like she wants to say something, but the moment is broken by the sound of the cafeteria spilling out as two freshmen burst out into the hall. Alyssa realizes she’s been too wrapped up in their conversation—_in Emma_—to realize they’re already at their destination.

Emma casts a look back towards the now slowly swaying doors, “Looks like this is where we part. I would say that I’ll see you around, but I guess we’ll both be at auditions in two weeks so…” She starts to walk further down the hall, facing Alyssa as she goes, “Until then, Alyssa.” With a final nod towards something just over her shoulder and a cheeky smile, Emma disappears around the corner.

Alyssa whips around to see the same poster from the other day. Yep, definitely mocking her. If she had to guess she would say Emma was mocking her too. Or maybe she was joining in the mockery with her. _Do I have an inside joke with Emma Nolan now? _That notion shouldn’t make her as happy as it does, but all the same Alyssa feels like she has a little extra skip in her step as she joins her friends for lunch.

_Who knows, maybe she can find time in her schedule for the spring musical. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and came back for more. I finished this chapter from Emma's perspective faster than I expected so here's more of Emma and Alyssa being awkward and totally into each other. Enjoy!

_What a day. _Emma throws her backpack down next to her desk as she settles in for an evening of homework. Her afternoon had passed in a haze as she tried desperately to focus on AP English and the new song they were learning at band practice without much success. She _did _try. It’s just that Macbeth and the musical stylings of Earth Wind and Fire simply couldn’t compete with Alyssa Greene.

_The_ Alyssa Greene. James Madison’s “it” girl as it were. All luscious dark curls and warm hazel eyes; it seems like every person at school is under her spell and Emma will readily admit that she’s no exception. She’s not blind. Alyssa is gorgeous, top of their class, and poised to take over the school next year when they’re seniors. Anyone in their right mind would be interested.

But it’s not her status or her popularity that first drew Emma to her. It was the little things that did it. The way she throws her head back when she laughs for real and not just for the sake of whatever jock is trying to impress her. The way she messes with the few loose curls that never seem to stay up in AP Chem, one of their few shared classes, when she’s taking notes. The way she leans forward to grip the edge of her desk whenever she gets a little too into the class discussion. Emma could go on, but then she would never finish her homework in time.

Suffice it to say, she’s more than just interested in Alyssa. For the better part of a year now Emma has been trying to deny this rapidly growing crush and failing miserably. _Today definitely didn’t help matters. _It would be just her luck. She had only been planning on guilting Mr. Hawkins into letting her skip the spring musical. She hadn’t planned on practically running into her very real, very hopeless crush. And then just stand there gawking like some kind of useless lesbian.

To be fair, she’s never been that close to the other girl before. She’s had to resign herself to stealing glances from the other side of the hallway or the back corner of the classroom. The plan had always been to pine from afar and then try to forget this ridiculous crush ever existed after she graduates. Only now she’s been as close as she can get to Alyssa and she’s not sure she’ll be able to forget that so easily. _Well, almost as close as I can get_. Fighting off a blush at the thought of what losing those last few inches would mean she starts to pull out her assignments for the night.

She manages to stay on task for the most part. All of her assignments are finished in time to have dinner with her grandma before heading to bed. She only gets distracted once by the way Alyssa’s nose crinkled adorably when Emma started rambling earlier. Or the way she could have sworn the other girl leaned into her touch after she caught her. Or how—_and here we go again… could we please go to bed at some point tonight, Emma?_

She stares up in defeat at the glow-in-the-dark stars her grandma insisted on putting up on her ceiling for her when she moved in. Willing herself to think of anything else in an attempt to fall asleep, her mind turns to the reason she ran into Alyssa in the first place. The spring musical. Emma’s been putting off completing her arts requirement for a while, but if she wants to take courses at the local community college next year she’ll have to take care of it this semester much to her dismay. On her list of things _not_ to do this year, getting up on stage in front of the whole school is high up there.

She should be upset. She should go back to Mr. Hawkins when he hasn’t just heard the same request and try again. She should, but she won’t. Not when there’s some small traitorous part of her that thinks this will give her an excuse to talk to Alyssa again. Maybe she can even find a moment tomorrow outside of class to talk to her about it. It wouldn’t be weird or anything. Just two people commiserating over their shared problem. That’s all.

_Y__ep_, Emma sighs as she closes her eyes and rolls over onto her side, _hopeless. _

* * *

Her leg bounces under the lab table as she keeps an eye on the door. Armed in her best red-checkered flannel and army green jacket Emma went to school this morning feeling more confident than usual. She was going to wait for the right time and then she was going to talk to Alyssa. At least, that was the plan. Only the universe had decided to thwart her at every turn. First thing in the morning, she saw Alyssa at her locker swapping out textbooks for the day. Emma figured she could slip the other girl a note to meet during lunch, but before she could approach, Alyssa was swarmed by half the cheer squad.

Then at lunch she tried to get in line behind the popular brunette. Nothing suspicious about two girls chatting while they wait for their food, right? Except Emma was steps away from her target when Jeremy Tenner, starting wide-receiver for the football team and all-around douchebag, stepped in between them.

He spent the whole time in line talking about the game coming up this Friday and the inevitable party afterwards. Emma found herself stuck listening to his clumsy attempts to ask Alyssa to said party. Just as she was starting to feel an uncomfortable heaviness settle in her gut, Alyssa shrugged the question off with an excuse about her mother’s curfew before bolting for her usual table. Emma was left feeling unreasonably pleased about the whole exchange.

_Lunch wasn’t a total waste, though. _Emma recalls the moment Alyssa had to reach around Jeremy for the silverware. For one glorious moment she was looking right at Emma. Emma managed to catch the eye roll Alyssa gave towards the boy between them and the smallest quirk of lips before Jeremy’s tall frame got in the way again. It had all happened so fast that if Emma hadn’t been paying such close attention she probably would have missed it. All the same, Emma had spent the rest of lunch in the band closet brainstorming ways to actually talk to Alyssa without further interruptions.

And now here she is in Chem—the day almost over—no closer to saying so much as a hello to Alyssa. Short of spilling something on her during the lab to get her away from the rest of their classmates, Emma’s come up with nothing. Somehow she doesn’t think spilling potentially harmful chemicals on her crush is going to help. She’s still stewing over her failed attempts, leg bouncing in time with the ticking of the clock, when Alyssa walks in.

She’s wearing a simple white v-neck shirt with dark jeans—hair out of its normal pins in wild curls--and she looks… _good. Well, that’s just not fair_, Emma groans to herself as she tries to ignore the familiar flutter growing behind her rib cage. _It’s already hard enough to talk to her. Why does she have to make it even harder with her stupidly perfect face. And effortless hair. And ridiculously tight jeans. And_—Ms. Heckle walks past setting the lab instructions down on her table—_right, focus Emma. _

Once she stops drooling over Alyssa (_I'm __just admiring… not drooling_) she notices that she’s sitting at her lab table alone. Usually in Chem Shelby sits next to Alyssa and texts while the other girl does all of the work. It looks like she might be flying solo today though. Emma tunes back in just in time to hear Ms. Heckle explain that Shelby is out sick for the day.

_There’s no way it could be this easy._

“Seeing as Alyssa doesn’t have a partner,” Ms. Heckle’s gaze shoots over to Emma, ”she’ll have to partner up with you today, Emma.”

_Okay, maybe it can be this easy. _Emma can’t believe her luck as Alyssa grabs her backpack and heads over to the empty seat to her right. Emma’s used to working alone since there’s an odd number in their class, not that anyone is clamoring to work with her, but she won’t complain about this change. They share a tentative smile before Alyssa swipes up the instructions. She’s all business as she reads before meticulously setting up their work station. Emma takes that time to actually pinch herself to make sure this is all real. Once she’s done checking she figures she should make herself more useful.

Grabbing a pair of safety goggles from the back cabinet she reaches over to hand one to her partner. Alyssa takes it without looking and continues to carefully measure out components. Emma deflates a little—maybe yesterday had been a fluke after all. She’s lost in her own thoughts when Alyssa bumps her shoulder against Emma’s.

“So, we meet again.” Alyssa’s eyes remain trained on the instructions, “Twice in two days, some people might call that fate.” Emma can’t tell if she’s serious or not until Alyssa finally looks over. Her teasing expression gives her away and Emma struggles to think of something witty to say in response.

“Uh, yeah. Pretty weird.” _Smooth, Emma. _

Alyssa’s giving her a strange look so she quickly shifts her focus back to the experiment. _Maybe this whole conversing thing will be easier if I’m not actually looking at her. _

“Fate must have a pretty twisted sense of humor then. Forcing us to deal with the whole musical thing together, I mean.” There. A whole sentence. She’s pretty proud of herself for that one.

“True,” Alyssa pauses to read the next step before she continues, “I’ve been thinking about that actually. You mentioned something yesterday about ‘soul-crushing humiliation’, but I know you’ve already performed in front of the whole school before so why are _you_ so opposed to doing the musical?”

At that, Emma looks up at Alyssa again with an incredulous stare. She must be referring to Emma’s performance at this past Fall’s talent show. She had practiced for that show for weeks in the hopes of impressing at least some of her classmates. _Or just one in particular. _Instead, the last note had faded away to awkward silence and some rather noticeable snickers from the boys lacrosse team in the back of the auditorium. Needless to say she has no desire to repeat that experience.

She crosses her arms as she replies, “Do you not remember how that turned out? It was a disaster!”

“Oh, I thought you were lovely.” Barely a second passes as Emma tries to take _that_ in before Alyssa’s eyes get wide and she’s rushing to speak again. “_It _was lovely! Your performance, I mean. It was… lovely.” Alyssa tapers off at the end, her voice going soft, before she seems to catch herself. The other girl clears her throat and stares intently down at the beaker in front of her. A few seconds of tense silence go by as Alyssa’s face darkens considerably and Emma tries to reboot from the shock of Alyssa Greene complimenting her.

Trying to get them back on solid ground again Emma does her best to laugh it off. “That’s really nice of you, Alyssa, but I don’t think the rest of the school would agree. It’s fine, I’m sure once they hear my audition they’ll just put me in set design or something.”

Alyssa groans under her breath, “God, I forgot about auditions. I don’t even know what I’m going to sing.” The lab seemingly forgotten once again, Alyssa turns her attention back to Emma. “Musicals aren’t exactly a favorite in the Greene household. I’m pretty sure my mother would have a fit if she heard me practicing.”

From what little Emma knows of Mrs. Greene she’s not surprised by this information. She doesn’t seem like the type to blast Mamma Mia on the way to school in the morning, that’s for sure. If Alyssa needs help with her audition and a place to practice though…

“I might have a solution for that.” The words are out before she can second guess herself. “I may not be thrilled about having to sing again, but I do happen to like some musicals. You could come over to my grandma’s place sometime and we could figure out our audition songs together. We could even practice there too. My grandma won’t mind.”

The look Alyssa gives her now is new as she breathes out, “You would be willing to do that?” She doesn’t seem to be laughing at her for the suggestion though so Emma plows ahead.

“Sure. We’re both in the same boat anyways, right? Besides, I’ll need your help to make sure I don’t pick something that makes me sound _too _good, you know.” She continues with a smirk, “Wouldn’t want to steal the lead from you or anything.” 

“Oh my god, get over yourself!” Alyssa shakes her head at the comment and pushes Emma back towards the other side of the table with one hand. Emma would be worried if not for the grin on Alyssa’s face as she does it and the laughter that follows. For a moment Emma lets herself enjoy this feeling. Talking and joking with Alyssa like this feels comfortable. Almost like they’re _friends_. She could bask in that feeling and Alyssa’s attention forever, but Ms. Heckle has other ideas.

“Ms. Greene. Ms. Nolan. Are you planning on finishing the assignment sometime during this period or are you more interested in goofing around?”

At that they both spring back into action. Alyssa goes back to the now boiling substance in front of her studiously avoiding eye contact with Ms. Heckle or Emma. At the same time, Emma examines the instructions in front of her in great detail as a blush spreads rapidly across her freckled cheeks. She waits a beat before she sneaks another glance at Alyssa only to find her doing the same thing. Emma bites her lip to stifle a laugh as the other girl sends a sheepish smile her way fighting back a laugh of her own.

Caught red-handed they agree to focus on the lab for the rest of the period. All things considered, it turns out pretty well and Emma is satisfied that her grade will survive. As the bell rings and she goes to pack up her stuff Alyssa stops her. She watches the other girl rip a piece of paper out of her notebook and scribble something down before holding it out in front of her with a bright smile. 

“Here’s my number. In case you were serious about practicing together.”

“I was! I mean—I am! Serious, that is.”

“Great… how about Friday then? I know we both have to be at the game, but I’m free after that.”

“How did you know I would be there too?” Emma’s always stuck going to the games, an unfortunate consequence of being in band, but nobody ever pays any attention to her. She’s pretty sure that half of the time the band doesn’t even remember she’s there.

“You are in the marching band, aren’t you? If you’re not free that’s okay, I’m sure we can figure something out.” Alyssa’s smile drops as she looks down at the note Emma still hasn’t accepted.

“No I’m definitely free, I just didn’t think you knew—" She trails off as she processes the fact that Alyssa seems to know more about her than she expected. First the talent show. Now this. Then it hits her. _She told Jeremy she couldn’t go to the party with him on Friday…and yet here she is asking to hang out with me that night. Did she…did she lie to get out of the date? _

Emma feels a tiny bit guilty over how happy that makes her, but it’s not every day that the girl she’s crushing on turns down one of the most sought after boys in school. And then asks Emma to hang out instead. _Forget feeling guilty. This might actually be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. _She stops swooning long enough to actually accept the paper from Alyssa. She takes particular care to gently place it in the front of her planner where it won’t get lost before picking the conversation back up again.

“Friday after the game sounds great. Perfect even.”

“It's settled then!” Alyssa heads towards the front of the classroom only turning back once she’s almost to the door, “Sounds like a date.” With that she spins back around, curls flying with the motion as she hurries out into the hall leaving Emma dumbstruck in her wake.

And that is how Emma Nolan finds herself running late to her last class of the day with a huge grin on her face, Alyssa Greene’s phone number in her backpack, and a _date _for Friday night.


	3. Chapter 3

Alyssa spends the rest of her day over-analyzing every second of their conversation. _A date? Why did I have to phrase like it that? _She had been so excited at the prospect of getting to hang out with Emma again that she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. _It’s just a figure of speech, she probably didn’t even notice. _It isn’t until later that night when she’s getting ready for bed that it clicks just how enjoyable it was having Emma as a lab partner, awkward comments aside.

She would never admit it to Shelby, but having a partner who was actually willing to help was a nice change of pace. The fact that Emma was so easy to talk to was just a nice bonus. It’s not like they haven’t talked before. Polite greetings in the hall. A passing comment in the lunchroom. But never anything meaningful. Yet over the course of the last two days she’s spoken more to Emma than she ever has before and she wants more. There’s just something about Emma that draws her in; that makes her feel like she can be herself for once. Like she won’t be judged if she’s not completely perfect. _Kind of like with these stupid auditions. _

Alyssa isn’t used to admitting fault. She’s so used to everyone expecting her to have all of the answers. Confiding in Emma about her nerves was a new experience. At the time, she had been so worried that Emma would laugh at her. After all, why would Alyssa Greene be nervous about something? Instead, Emma had offered to help. She even invited Alyssa over to her house. _No, her grandma’s house. _Alyssa makes a mental note to ask Emma about that when they meet up next. If Emma ever texts her to make plans that is.

Alyssa looks over at her phone for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. Still no new message. She tosses her phone down on her bed and flops down after it with a huff. She had been hoping to exchange numbers with Emma at some point during the day if for no other reason than to give them a way to talk without attracting attention. She had been close a couple of times during the day too, but something always seemed to get in the way. Then Emma’s invitation fell into her lap and suddenly she had the perfect excuse.

Only she stuck her foot in her mouth and forgot to get the other girl's number in her haste to get out of there. Which means she’s forced to sit here and wait for Emma to text her. As she looks at the blank screen again she wonders if she’s reading too much into their conversation. Maybe Emma didn’t feel the same way Alyssa did. Maybe she didn’t really want to be friends and had only invited her over to be nice. Maybe she still thought Alyssa was like the other kids at school and this was all some kind of elaborate prank. Emma _had_ seemed particularly nervous about working with her today.

She’s starting to spiral when she’s interrupted by a buzz from up by her pillow. It’s embarrassing how quickly she rolls over to snatch up her phone, but she has been waiting all day so she gives herself a pass. The text is from an unknown number and Alyssa feels a spark of something flare up in her gut. The spark grows until she can feel a warmth spreading across the back of her neck as she reads the message. Or she should say messages at this point since her phone is still buzzing.

_Hey, sorry this is so late! I meant to text earlier, but it was my turn to do dishes tonight_

_This is Emma by the way_

_Emma Nolan_

_You gave me your number earlier_

_Which you probably remember since you were there…_

_I’m going to stop now, sorry for bothering you_

Alyssa feels her lips stretch into a grin as she reads each new text. Emma’s rambling makes her feel a little less insecure about her own freak out moments ago. Though she should probably text Emma back before the other girl starts to think Alyssa actually is bothered.

_You’re not bothering me, promise!_

_This is Alyssa by the way_

_Alyssa Greene_

_You got me in trouble in class earlier for the first time ever_

_You probably remember since you were there…_

Alyssa holds her breath as she waits for Emma to reply. She had only meant to tease her, but as the seconds go by she starts to second guess herself. What if Emma thought she was making fun of her?

_Very funny_

Alyssa releases the breath. Of course Emma would get it. Texting with Emma is just as easy as talking to her. _It’s never feels this easy with anyone else, _she realizes as she types back.

_I try. _

_But really, I’m glad you texted_

_I did want to text earlier, I swear!_

_I think I was a little nervous though. Thought maybe this wasn’t your real number_

_What do you mean?_

_Like maybe one of the football players put you up to giving me their number instead…_

_Wouldn’t be the first time they did something stupid like that_

Alyssa feels like she’s been punched in the gut. _Does Emma really think I would do something like that? _She wants to be hurt by the assumption, but she knows Emma has been through a lot. She can’t really blame the other girl for being cautious. That doesn’t mean she can’t reassure her still that this isn’t a joke. She’s already typing up her response when another text comes through.

_But you don’t really seem like the type to go along with it_

_I mean, I don’t know you that well, but the past two days you’ve been really nice to me_

_And I guess my instincts were right since you’re talking to me now_

Emma taking a leap of faith on her-actually reaching out despite her fears-means a lot. She’s more determined now than ever to make sure she doesn’t disappoint her.

_I would never do something like that, Emma_

_I know people lump me in with the popular kids_

_But I don’t really feel like I fit in with them at all_

_And I would never go along with something like that_

_Yeah, I get that_

_I still don’t really get why you would want to hang out with me though_

_Why wouldn’t I?_

Alyssa stares at the blinking dots in confusion as Emma replies.

_I’m not exactly most people’s first choice to be friends with right now_

Oh. Alyssa knows what Emma’s referring to, but she’s not sure if she should address it or not. She’s about to just move past it when she thinks about how honest Emma is being. A little honesty is the least she deserves in return.

_That doesn’t matter to me_

_Besides, I really enjoyed working with you today. It might even have been worth the trouble_

_We did make a good team_

_Even if you did get us in trouble…_

_Oh so that’s how it is, then?_

_Seriously though_

_I’ve been trying to talk to you for a while now, actually, so today was nice_

_You have?_

_Why?_

_I don’t know_

_You’re not like anyone else I know _

_You don’t put up with anyone’s crap at school_

_You always have something interesting to say in class_

_And I think what you did was really brave. Coming out and all_

_I guess I just wanted to get to know you_

_The real you, not what everyone else sees_

Alyssa feels slightly nauseous. So much for a _little _honesty. _Great. Way to scare her off before you even become friends. Where did all of that even come from? _

_Wow. I’m not that interesting really._

_You’re not the only one, though. I’ve wanted to get to know you since freshman year _

_Freshman year?! _

Emma doesn’t seem like the type to lie and she has not reason to, but even still Alyssa can’t quite believe it. Alyssa’s been waiting for the right time to approach Emma when this whole time Emma felt the same way. If only she had known… well there’s no point in dwelling on it. Still, she can’t help but ask.

_Why didn’t you ever say anything?_

_Please. You’re Alyssa Greene and I’m me_

_A band geek with no social life _

_I’m not even going to honor that with a response it’s so wrong_

_We wasted so much time not being friends, huh?_

_But we’re going to make up for it starting on Friday!_

There’s a break in the texting for a moment and Alyssa takes that opportunity to finish getting ready. She’s just done brushing her teeth when a new text comes through.

_Is it bad if I say practicing for the audition was just an excuse to hang out with you?_

_If it is then I’m guilty too…and I’m really looking forward to it_

She _is _looking forward to Friday. She’s looking forward to seeing Emma again. She’s looking forward to talking without worrying about nosy classmates. She’s looking forward to having more moments like the one in chem today. Alyssa is really looking forward to Friday and now Emma knows it too. The thought is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

Alyssa's been thinking about it a lot lately and she's realized that most of her friends are friends of convenience. Being involved in so many things at school means knowing a lot of people. She’s surrounded by people all of the time. But apart from Shelby and Kaylee she isn’t really close enough with anyone to let her guard down. Not like she already has with Emma. And even then, this thing with Emma feels different than what she has with Shelby and Kaylee. She can’t pinpoint exactly why though. Maybe it’s just Emma who’s different. 

Speaking of Emma, she hasn’t responded for a few minutes now. Alyssa thinks she’s finally scared her off when she hears the familiar buzz.

_You keep surprising me, Alyssa Greene_

_And I’m looking forward to Friday too_

_If only we didn’t have three more days of class and a football game to get through_

_Don’t remind me_

Checking the clock on her nightstand she sees that it’s already well past her regular bed time. She must have lost track of time texting with Emma.

_I should probably get to bed _

_Early meeting for student council tomorrow_

_I’ll see you at the game though!_

_Oh shoot, sorry!_

_Didn’t mean to keep you up _

_We can’t have our fearless leader show up too tired to do the morning announcements…_

Alyssa shakes her head at Emma’s teasing. She wants to be annoyed, but instead she finds she's charmed by Emma's brand of sarcasm. Only two conversations in and Alyssa can already picture the smirk Emma is likely sporting right now. This sudden familiarity should be weird, but she just feels her lips turn up in response to Emma’s taunting.

_yeah yeah_

_Good night, Emma_

_Good night, Alyssa _

She falls asleep with a faint smile still on her lips.

* * *

The rest of the week drags after that. Alyssa’s distracted at the student council meeting the next morning—the temptation to text Emma again far more interesting than discussing the vending machines near the gym. Then she gets saddled with another paper to finish before Friday and debate practice ramps up as they get closer to their invitational. Alyssa is stressed, tired, and a more than a little overwhelmed to say the least.

Her only saving grace is that her mom seems just as busy this week. So busy with her new listing, in fact, that she just nods along on Thursday night as Alyssa talks about going over to Shelby’s after the game. There’s only a reminder to text her when she gets to Shelby’s house. That’s it. No questions about who else will be there or if Shelby’s parents will be around. It’s a small miracle and Alyssa takes it as a sign that she’s supposed to befriend Emma.

She does feel a niggling sense of guilt for lying to her mom, but telling the truth is not an option. She remembers the way her mom reacted when word of Emma’s sexuality got out. “Unnatural”. That’s what her mom had said when she first found out about the rumor. She thinks back to the way she felt working next to Emma as they both tried to hide their laughter from Ms. Heckle the other day. How anybody could think bad of Emma is beyond her. Emma’s special, she knows it. If she can get through to Emma, show her that she has at least one friend in this town, then maybe Emma will start to believe it too.

Friday morning finally arrives and Alyssa wakes up already excited about her post-game plans. She blames it on the game when her mom questions her mood at breakfast. The excuse seems to satisfy her as she moves on to berate Alyssa about how wrinkled her cheerleading uniform looks. Not even her mother’s nit-picking on the ride over to school can dampen her spirits though. She's not sure anything can. That is until she walks inside.

She’s barely made it through the front door before her good mood is shattered by a commotion coming from down the hall. She looks over in that direction to see a cluster of jersey-clad football players crowding someone against a row of lockers. It only takes a second for Alyssa to remember whose locker is in that direction. As two of the players take a step back there’s a flash of honey-colored hair that confirms it. She’s already striding down the hallway before she realizes what she’s doing.

“Hey!”

Six heads all swivel in her direction at the same time as she shoulders past the boy closest to her putting herself between the rest of them and Emma.

“What’s going on here?”

She can feel Emma shaking behind her so she reaches a hand back instinctively. It hangs there for a second before she feels the warmth of Emma’s hand clasping onto hers hidden between them. She momentarily forgets about the boys towering over them as she marvels at the softness of it. The sound of their laughter is enough to snap her back to the current situation.

“We were just about to teach this lesbo a lesson.” Kaylee’s boyfriend Nick leers down at Alyssa, “Why? Want to watch?”

The fact that they think she actually wants to be a part of whatever this is makes her sick. She wants to lay into them, but she knows it won’t make a difference. They don’t care about Emma and if she tries to defend the other girl they’ll only turn on her too. _They might not care about Emma, but they do care about the game tonight, _she realizes as an idea forms.

“You should be more concerned about who else might be watching. What if a teacher catches you all like this? Getting detention means you’ll be disqualified from playing tonight.” Alyssa takes a step forward and glances up at Nick through her eyelashes like she’s seen Kaylee do so many times before hoping it will work just as well for her.

“What would we do if we didn’t have our star quarterback out on the field?” 

He looks confused for a moment by the sudden change in Alyssa’s demeanor, but the confusion passes quickly as his gaze gets lost somewhere south of her face. _At least this cheerleading uniform is good for something._ A shiver crawls up her spine as she struggles not to drop the act out of sheer disgust. There’s a responding squeeze to the hand still trapped behind her. She releases a sigh as Nick takes a step back to sling his arm around the shoulders of one of the players next to him.

“You know you’re right. We can’t have that.”

He starts walking backward down the hall nodding back at Emma as he does, “You got lucky this time, loser.”

The rest start to follow and Alyssa relaxes for the first time since she got there. She feels Emma’s whole body sag as the danger passes. Emma drops her hand and Alyssa doesn’t miss it at all. She spins around to get a good look at the girl now leaning back against the lockers.

Emma has her eyes closed, fists clenched at her side, and her head tipped back against the metal. She looks pale and her breathing is shaky as she clearly tries to collect herself. Alyssa gives her a moment before she tentatively steps into her space to ask how she’s doing. Emma tips her head forward to look at Alyssa.

“Oh you know, just peachy.”

“Right.” Alyssa scoffs at herself, “Stupid question.”

“It could have been a lot worse if you hadn’t shown up so thank you.” Emma’s looking at her more intently now; the trapped look in her eyes fading into something softer.

Alyssa scuffs the toe of her sneaker against the linoleum uncomfortable under Emma’s gaze. She drops eye contact as she takes note of just how close she is to Emma. Again.

“Does this happen a lot?”

“Not as often as you would expect. I guess they were feeling particularly bold today.”

“God, Emma. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve any of—"

The bell for first period cuts her off. She wants to say so much more, but she can’t be late for class and risk detention herself. Emma seems to be on the same page as she picks her backpack up off the floor and tilts her head down the hall.

“We should get to class. Thanks again,” Emma’s cheeks regain a bit of color as she brushes past, “for, uh, for saving me.”

“Any time.” Alyssa hopes her tone conveys just how much she means it. “We’re still on for tonight, right?”

Emma turns back to Alyssa with one eyebrow raised, “How could I say no to my hero.” Alyssa swears Emma’s gaze drifts down for a moment as she looks at her before snapping back up to her face. She waits for that same feeling of disgust to wash over her, but it never comes. In its place is a familiar heat, not unlike the warmth from last night when they were texting. Only this time it’s stronger and it lingers even as Emma’s now wide eyes meet her own.

Emma fiddles with the zipper on her jacket as her cheeks darken further, “Definitely, still looking forward to it.” With that Emma hurries off down the hall leaving Alyssa to try and sort out this strange new feeling alone. Shaking it off, she makes it to her seat just in time. Pulling out her notebook—her thoughts still stuck on “_my hero”_—she realizes that somehow, just like that, her good mood is back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay on chapter 4! There's plenty of Emma and Alyssa in this chapter though. Hope it was worth the wait and enjoy!

This was a terrible idea. Emma glances over at the cheerleaders stationed on the sidelines for the fiftieth time tonight. She’s supposed to hang out with Alyssa tonight. Alone. And _not _think about how she looks right now in her uniform? Impossible.

It had all seemed so simple earlier. Hang out. Listen to some music. No problem.

_Big problem_, Emma thinks as she struggles to concentrate on the instrument in her hands and not the amount of smooth skin on display.

It’s not like she hasn’t seen Alyssa in her cheerleading uniform before. Of course she has. It’s just that now Emma knows how soft Alyssa’s hand feels wrapped around her own. She knows what Alyssa smells like—bright like freshly picked citrus. She knows just how blinding Alyssa’s smile can be when it’s directed right at you.

If she’s being honest she never expected to know this much about Alyssa. It’s only served to increase the relentless pull Emma feels towards her. Well that, and it makes it extremely difficult to ignore Alyssa tonight. Especially when she looks so—

The referee whistles signaling the end of the first half. Almost on reflex Emma chances a glance back over at the cheerleaders finishing up their routine. Her eyes find Alyssa immediately. Ignoring the jostling from behind as her bandmates get ready to take the field Emma allows herself one last moment to appreciate the sight.

_And boy is there a lot to appreciate_, Emma muses.

Alyssa’s dark curls are pulled up into a tight ponytail and she’s smiling wide up at the crowd, flushed from the routine. Emma eyes follow the line of Alyssa’s toned legs until they disappear under—what she considers to be—an unfairly short skirt.

Emma’s mouth goes dry and she reaches for her water bottle. Taking a swig she just about chokes when she realizes Alyssa is staring right back at her.

This isn’t the first time it's happened since the start of the game. Actually—Emma realizes as she hurries to exit the stands with the rest of the band—it’s been happening all night. 

Her cheeks burn at being caught once again. She knows she should stop this. Alyssa is her friend. At least Emma thinks they’re headed in that direction and she really doesn’t want to screw that up. She could use a friend. _A friend with really pretty eyes and biceps that look like they could—Jesus! _

Emma slams her eyes shut. She has got to get it together. The whole not-looking-at-Alyssa thing works for the most part. At least until she has to open her eyes again or risk being trampled by the rest of the band. Which just happens to be right as Alyssa is taking off into a flip that leaves Emma a little breathless herself.

Still trying to catch her breath, she notes that the cheerleaders are now rushing over to the fence. Where the band is waiting to take the field. Which means that Alyssa is headed right for her.

She can hear her own heartbeat pulsing loudly in her ears as they get closer. She's almost in the clear until Alyssa starts to slow. Once she’s behind the rest of the group she veers off in Emma’s direction. Alyssa doesn’t stop until she’s standing directly in front of her.

Reaching up she gives a quick tug to the strap of Emma’s helmet, “Good luck out there, band geek.”

Before Emma can react Alyssa is already jogging away. She’s beaming back at her though as if she didn’t just completely wreck Emma right before she’s supposed to go play. Like she could possibly remember any of the notes after that.

She stumbles as the rest of her section begins to move nearly dropping her clarinet in the process. There are a few looks of concern as the girl behind Emma asks if she’s okay. Emma waves her off and rushes to catch up.

Honestly, she’s not sure of the answer to that herself.

* * *

In the end, the James Madison Tigers are successful. The locker room is buzzing with excitement as people talk about the game and—more importantly Emma surmises from the conversation next to her—the party that Nick is hosting tonight. Normally Emma would be one of the first out of the locker room eager to avoid all of this. Tonight though she takes her time. 

Soon enough she’s the last one left. She was hoping the extra time would give her a chance to collect herself before she has to meet Alyssa. As she steps out into the parking lot though she’s still brimming with energy. If Alyssa notices she can always just blame it on the post-game celebration.

Her heart skips a beat as soon as she spots Alyssa leaning up against her truck and she knows she's too far gone already. 

Emma is both relieved and a little disappointed to see that Alyssa has ditched the uniform for a soft-looking t-shirt and jeans. It’s probably for the best. She notices that Alyssa keeps looking down at her phone so she picks up the pace. The last thing she wants is for Alyssa to come to her senses and decide she would much rather be at Nick’s party than hanging out with boring old Emma Nolan.

Alyssa’s face lights up when she sees Emma approaching. Emma is so disarmed by the force of her smile that it takes a moment for her to regain the ability to speak.

“Hey, thanks for waiting. I figured I would wait for the rest of the crowd to leave.”

It’s not exactly what she had in mind. Though considering what she had in mind was something along the lines of ‘your dimples make me forget my own name’ she can’t complain.

“No worries, I haven’t been here long. Besides, it’s a beautiful night.”

Alyssa’s rubbing her hands up and down her arms as she looks up at the clear night sky. She shivers as a particularly strong gust of wind blows past.

Emma could smack herself for being so inconsiderate. Here she is standing around outside like some love-struck fool while Alyssa waits in just a t-shirt. Hopping into action she opens the passenger door so Alyssa can slide in before running around to the driver’s side.

Alyssa is already flipping through the stack of CD’s she keeps in her center console by the time she gets in. Her stomach flips as she watches Alyssa’s fingers flick past each one. There’s a sense of unease at having Alyssa go through her things. Almost like she’s being exposed with every flick.

She knows it’s stupid. They’re just CD’s after all. And yet…

She wants to reach out and still those fingers. Or maybe just intertwine them with her own. She doesn’t know what she wants.

She settles for starting up the truck as Alyssa pauses on a case towards the bottom. She pulls it out of the stack, looking over at Emma, one eyebrow raised.

“I should have known this friendship was too good to be true.”

She shakes her head at Emma as she waves the CD in the space between them. Emma glances over, but Alyssa is quick to hide it from her. There’s a moment of silence as Alyssa fiddles with the radio before the unmistakable sound of the Backstreet Boys Black & Blue album fills the truck.

Alyssa’s not even trying to hide her laughter now as Emma valiantly attempts to defend her choices. A few minutes of back and forth later—Alyssa is adamant that *NSYNC is far superior while Emma tries not to give in too easily—and any tension Emma felt is gone. The rest of the ride passes quickly. Only once they’re walking up the path to the front door do the nerves kick back in.

She leads the way up to her room steadying herself with slow even breaths as she does. Based on the reaction she had to Alyssa going through her CD’s Emma has no idea how she’s going to handle the other girl being in her room.

She had picked up a little bit this morning—conscious of who was coming over—but that doesn’t keep her from fretting over the state of her room as Alyssa follows her up the stairs.

Alyssa doesn’t seem to notice Emma’s nerves at all as she walks around taking in the photos and other posters on her wall. Clearing her throat Emma gestures towards the floor. Her very comfortable bed is right there, but Emma’s already been tested enough tonight so the floor will have to do.

Alyssa spins around to take a seat looking like she just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t realize I was being so nosy. You’re just such a mystery to me still. There’s so much I want to know.” Alyssa starts to pick at the carpet looking down at her hands. If Emma didn’t know better she would say Alyssa is a little nervous too.

“That’s alright. Feel free to look. Or, you know, just ask me. Whatever you want to know.”

“Be careful or I might just take you up on that.”

Emma’s not sure if Alyssa is joking or not, but at least she’s looking at her again. Only now Emma’s the one who wants to look away. Alyssa has a way of looking at her that makes her feel… seen. It’s unnerving. It’s also not something she's experienced before and she's not sure how she feels about it. 9:00 on a Friday night hardly seems like the time to sort it out though.

Trying to get them back on track Emma suggests they begin Alyssa’s musical education with a classic. She settles down next to Alyssa—just enough space between them for her own sanity—and sets it up on her phone. Three songs into the Wicked soundtrack and Alyssa reaches out to pause the music.

“Is this… are all musicals like this?”

“Like what?” Emma's had her eyes trained on the floor up until now, but something about Alyssa’s voice is off. Turning towards the other girl Emma waits for her to continue.

Alyssa’s looking back at her with wide eyes. She releases a shaky breath as she clarifies, “So emotional, I guess? Are they supposed to make you feel like… god I don’t even know!”

Alyssa tilts her head back to rest against the bed frame as she rubs her face in frustration. “I’m sorry. I probably sound ridiculous right now.”

Emma wants so badly to comfort her, but she doesn’t want to cross any lines. She can still try to help in other ways though. Maybe if she can show Alyssa she’s not alone…

“I think I get what you mean. That’s one of the things I like about musicals actually. With all of the stuff going on at school and at home I feel like everything just builds up inside me. When that happens sometimes I listen to stuff like this and just let it all out. It’s cathartic I guess.”

“Yes!” Alyssa’s head snaps forward as she leans in toward Emma, “That’s exactly how it feels!” Alyssa has shifted over in her excitement and Emma can’t help but notice how close they are now. She’s too busy tracing the edge of Alyssa’s jawline with her eyes to notice that the music has started up again.

Alyssa’s voice drops to a whisper as she glances over to ask if they can listen to more. Her dark brown eyes are eager, but her voice is hesitant. Like she thinks she’s asking for too much. On the contrary, Emma thinks she’s never wanted anything more. Now that she’s seen how excited Alyssa is Emma is even more intent on finding her the perfect audition song. Anything to keep that look on her face.

* * *

Another hour and several songs later, Emma knows Alyssa is completely hooked. They still haven’t settled on the right song, but they’ve made progress. And Alyssa seems more relaxed now. About four songs ago she even settled in against Emma’s side. They’ve been chatting in between songs and Alyssa has started to ask more questions. Emma does her best to ignore the heat blazing along her side as she answers.

Alyssa wants to know which songs are her favorites? Which ones she listens to when she starts to feel too much? Which song she’s going to pick for her audition? Emma still doesn’t have an answer for that last one. She spent so much time thinking about Alyssa’s audition she hadn’t really thought about her own.

One song in particular jumps out at her, but it feels too personal to share. She thinks about just skipping to the next song on her playlist when she looks over at Alyssa. Her bottom lip is jutting out in an exaggerated pout and she’s giving Emma the most ridiculous puppy eyes she has ever seen. It shouldn’t work on her.

It shouldn’t.

Emma rolls her eyes at herself as she scrolls down to find what she’s looking for. She presses play and then promptly shuts her eyes so she doesn’t have to see Alyssa’s reaction. The beginning notes of Waving Through A Window from Dear Evan Hansen play and the urge to hide her face grows.

Emma only lasts a minute before she has to explain herself, “I don’t even know if I _could _sing it, you know. It’s one of my favorites though and if I have to sing something I might as well sing something that I like, right?”

Emma opens her eyes to gauge what Alyssa’s thinking. Apparently she had nothing to worry about. Alyssa has her own eyes closed as she listens, a soft smile on her lips. She looks peaceful and Emma’s heart thuds painfully in her chest. She knew it before and she knows it now. This was a terrible idea. Seeing Alyssa like this, it’s almost too much.

In that moment Emma wishes that Alyssa wasn’t so damn perfect. She could have stood Emma up tonight. She could have made fun of her in the halls with the rest of their classmates. She could have laughed at Emma and her song choice. If she had this would all be easier.

But no, Alyssa has to be kind and brilliant and _beautiful. _Emma always thinks so. But tonight like this—so open and earnest—Alyssa is radiant. Emma swallows the feelings fighting their way to the surface. It doesn’t matter how perfect Alyssa is or how genuine she is about being Emma’s friend. That’s all it is. Nothing more. And she needs to accept that before she ruins everything beyond repair. 

Emma doesn’t even notice the song end, still lost in thought.

Alyssa drags her back to the present, “That’s beautiful, Emma. What’s it from?”

“Oh, um, it’s called Dear Evan Hansen. The plot is a little more serious than some of the others we’ve listened to already, but it’s definitely worth a listen.” Emma clears her throat, praying that the hitch in her voice doesn’t give her away, “You really liked it?”

“I loved it!” Alyssa reaches out to start the song again, “Will… will you sing it for me?”

Alyssa’s directing that soft look at Emma now. She wants to say no. No way in a million years is she going to sing _that _song to Alyssa. Just no.

She’s already running through the words to the song in her head.

Just as she’s about to publicly admit defeat—and privately admit that she would give Alyssa whatever she wanted—Alyssa’s phone starts to ring. Her savior, oddly enough, comes in the form of Mrs. Greene. Alyssa steps out to take the call and Emma hops up from the floor. Alone for the moment she takes the opportunity to talk some sense into herself.

If she's going to survive this friendship she needs to start setting some ground rules. She can’t keep getting into these kinds of situations with Alyssa. Not if she actually wants to keep her secret _a secret_. She’ll just have to be more careful, that’s all.

Alyssa steps back into the room, “Sorry, that was my mom. She wants me to head home now so I should probably go.” She looks over sheepishly at Emma as she swings her backpack over her shoulder. “Would you be able to drop me off at home?”

“Of course!” Emma snaps into action grabbing her keys off the desk, “You can give me directions on the way.” As she follows Alyssa out of her room and down the stairs she lets out a sigh of relief. It’s tainted by a dark swath of disappointment at the realization that her night with Alyssa is nearly over.

She tries to keep her energy up on the car ride over to Alyssa’s place. _This is good_, she tells herself, _now things can go back to normal_.

She pulls over on the side of the road a few houses down the street at Alyssa’s direction. They sit there in Emma’s truck for a moment. The silence is stifling and Emma is trying to think of something to say when suddenly Alyssa is reaching over and then—

_Holy shit. _Alyssa is hugging her. It’s a little awkward since Alyssa has to lean over the center console to get to her, but Emma doesn’t mind. She just sits there at first, too caught up in the feeling of Alyssa wrapped around her. Alyssa starts to pull away and it’s enough to pull her from her stupor. Desperate for this to last, she brings her own arms up, pulling Alyssa in closer. Alyssa stiffens at first, but quickly melts back into Emma.

Emma breathes her in trying to savor this moment.

Alyssa’s hands are curled into the back of Emma’s shirt and her nose is nearly tucked into the crook of Emma’s neck. It’s sensory overload and Emma never wants it to end. The part of her brain that is still functioning knows it has to though. And soon, before she does something stupid.

Reluctantly she pulls back from Alyssa. Her face feels like it’s on fire and she hopes it’s not too noticeable. Alyssa is tugging on her bottom lip in a way that is wholly distracting and really not helping at all. She looks like she wants to say something though. Since Emma is still trying to recover she has no problem waiting for whatever it is.

It never comes as Alyssa just reaches down to grab her backpack instead. After a beat she pushes open the door and hops out. Right before she shuts it though she turns back around.

Alyssa’s eyes are darker than she’s ever seen them before and they’re locked on Emma's.

“Thank you for tonight. It was a lot of fun and I—I learned a lot.” She leans against the door as she continues, “Maybe we could do it again sometime. If you wanted. Not necessarily the music part, though we can do that too! I just mean if you want to hang out again, I would be down.”

To say that Emma is shocked would be an understatement. “Yes! Uh yes, yeah I would— That would—" Her hands grip the steering wheel as she takes a deep breath, “I would really like that.”

Alyssa perks up at Emma’s response. “Okay, cool! I’ll text you and we’ll figure it out.” She drops her gaze, “Soon. We’ll figure it out soon.” Alyssa looks back up at Emma through her eyelashes, “Until then. Good night, Emma.”

With that Alyssa finally shuts the door. Emma watches her until she’s out of sight. She’s halfway home before she realizes she never actually said good night back. She pulls out her phone as soon as she’s parked in the driveway.

_Good night, Alyssa _

Even a simple good night text is enough to set off that fluttering feeling in her stomach. Though it’s nothing compared to how she felt during that hug. God, just thinking about it now makes her light-headed. With a sigh she rests her forehead against the steering wheel.

_So much for being careful, _she thinks as she squeezes her eyes shut. Alyssa Greene is going to be the death of her, she just knows it. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a big one for Alyssa, folks! Thanks to everyone who's still reading and I hope you enjoy!

“Earth to Alyssa. Are you even listening to us?” Kaylee snaps her fingers in front of Alyssa’s face. “You’ve been distracted all day. What’s up with you?”

Alyssa whips her head around to face the lunch table where Kaylee and Shelby stare expectantly at her. She realizes she has been ignoring them all day. Between texting Emma during class when she can and worrying about auditions coming up in just two days she’s been a little preoccupied.

She would feel bad, except texting Emma has already become the highlight of her day. Ever since that night in Emma’s room they’ve been talking pretty regularly. It started out with Emma texting her new songs to listen to, but it wasn’t long before they were texting about all sorts of things.

Alyssa’s love of all things chocolate. How bored Emma is in Calculus. Their on-going debate about which boy band is better. It’s all so confusing. Nearly two weeks ago Emma was just a girl Alyssa noticed in the halls. Now, Alyssa can’t imagine _not _talking to Emma every day.

Things between them have definitely shifted since Friday. If she’s being honest, things between them shifted the moment she ran into Emma outside of Mr. Hawkins’ office. It was like a switch flipped once they started talking and now Alyssa can’t turn it off. After spending time with Emma, her other friendships just don’t feel the same anymore.

Which is probably why she’s spent the beginning of their lunch period watching Emma in line instead of listening to the girls across from her. Besides, it’s not like Kaylee and Shelby are engaged in particularly stimulating lunch conversation. Lately it seems like the topic is always the same—boys. 

Alyssa doesn’t have much to contribute. Usually she’s content to sit there and nod along. She doesn’t have anything against it. If boys are what Kaylee and Shelby want to talk about, more power to them. She’s just not that interested in any of the guys at school right now. Come to think of it, she’s not sure she’s _ever _been interested in the guys at school.

Shelby reaches over, flicking a chip at Alyssa as she pipes up, “Hey, for real though. Is something wrong?” Shelby puts a hand up before Alyssa can respond, “We don’t want to pry, it just— It feels like there’s something going on that you’re not telling us.”

The latest string of texts from Emma pops into her head at Shelby’s comment. The air in Alyssa’s lungs turns brittle at the thought of sharing that with them. Things with Emma are still too tentative. Too important. She wants to keep it to herself for as long as she can.

So instead she asks, “Have either of you completed your arts credit yet?”

Kaylee and Shelby both shake their head, looking even more confused .

“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with it, but Mr. Hawkins said I don’t have a choice and now I’m stuck auditioning for the Spring musical after school Thursday.”

“That’s it?” Kaylee asks. She shares a look with Shelby as they go back to eating their lunch. “Why didn’t you tell us? We’ll totally audition with you!” Shelby nods along as Kaylee assures Alyssa that it’ll be more fun this way.

Kaylee’s already off and running with the idea, talking about getting her boyfriend to join them. Alyssa’s shoulders relax as Kaylee’s attention shifts, only she’s not off the hook yet. Shelby’s nodding along as Kaylee talks, but her eyes are locked on Alyssa.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’ve been staring at Emma Nolan since she walked in.” Shelby says crossing her arms.

Panic like hot lead fills her chest. Her instinct is to deny it. Pretend that she has no idea what Shelby’s talking about, but there’s a knowing look in the other girl’s eye that suggests she wouldn’t buy it.

Mind racing, Alyssa blurts out, “We have chemistry!”

Shelby’s eyes go wide and it takes a moment for Alyssa to realize what she just said. When she does her own eyes widen. Her palms feel sweaty, but she doesn’t have time to think about her bodies response. Or why the thought of having chemistry with Emma like _that _makes her so nervous.

“Chemistry class, we have chemistry class together and you weren’t there the other day and I needed a partner and—" Alyssa knows that rambling will only make it worse. She takes a second to compose herself before she finishes, “We just worked together that one time and, I don’t know, she was interesting to work with. That’s all.”

Shelby doesn’t seem entirely convinced, but she drops it for now turning her attention back to Kaylee. The panic subsides, but a new feeling takes its place. One she recognizes well. Guilt. Why couldn’t she just admit that she enjoys talking to Emma? Why did she have to lie? Emma deserves a friend who will stick up for her, not one who pretends their friendship doesn’t exist.

Waiting until Shelby and Kaylee are engrossed in their own conversation again, Alyssa sneaks another glance over towards the lunch line. Emma’s already gone and the guilt hardens to stone in the pit of her stomach. Somewhere, Emma is eating lunch all alone because she’s too scared to invite her over.

Picking at the salad her mom packed for her lunch, Alyssa wishes she was with Emma, wherever she is. If Emma’s there, it has to be better than this.

* * *

Taking stock of everyone milling about backstage, Alyssa searches for a familiar face. She notes Kaylee and Shelby standing off to the side, clinging to their boyfriends who look less than thrilled to be here. When the musical came up at lunch the other day Alyssa hadn’t actually expected her friends to sign up, but Thursday afternoon arrived and here they are. She’s still not sure how Kevin and Nick got dragged into it and she’s happy to remain in the dark on that one.

She should be grateful for their support, but truthfully she’s a little disappointed. It’s silly, but the musical had been her and Emma’s thing. Alyssa liked having something that was just theirs.

Speaking of Emma, Alyssa catches a glimpse of wavy golden hair over by the sign-in table. Satisfied that her friends are occupied for the time being Alyssa darts off in that direction. It takes a bit of weaving between people to get there, but she reaches the table just as Emma’s finished signing in.

Time slots were randomly assigned and Emma snagged the second to last spot. Lucky. Alyssa got third and she can already feel the nerves bubbling up again at the thought of going before Emma.

Technically people aren’t supposed to watch the other auditions. Judging by the whispers she heard when she first arrived, it doesn’t sound like anyone follows that rule. Which means that if Emma wants she can stay and watch Alyssa sing. A tight coil of nerves wraps around her lungs and constricts until she’s short of breath.

Emma turns from the table almost bumping into Alyssa waiting right behind her. Rocking back on her heels, Emma shoves her hands into her back pockets.

“Alyssa, hey! I didn’t see you there, do you need to sign in?” Emma asks.

Alyssa takes in Emma’s outfit for the day. Her usual jacket has been replaced by a cozy black and red checkered flannel over a plain white shirt. She’s tucked her light-wash jeans into black combat boots and for a moment Alyssa is caught up in how good Emma looks. She almost says as much—friends compliment each other’s outfits all the time, right—but she swallows the words before they reach her lips.

Alyssa clears her throat trying to break through the sudden bout of nerves as she waves Emma off, “I’m good. So it’s the big day, huh? How are you feeling?”

“I’ll be better when I’m done,” Emma shrugs, “I guess it’s good I’m towards the end, hopefully people will clear out when they’re finished. I didn’t expect so many people to be here for this…” Emma trails off as she looks around at all of their classmates crowded together on stage.

“You’re telling me,” Alyssa groans out, “I’m up third!”

Emma’s gaze settles back on Alyssa, giving her a shrewd look. After a beat she says, “You know, you never did tell me what you settled on.”

Alyssa feels her face grow hot under Emma’s undivided attention. The topic had come up a couple of times while they were texting the past week. After Emma asked the first time and Alyssa refused to answer, Emma made it her mission to figure it out. Every day she would guess a new song and the longer Alyssa went without telling her the more ridiculous the song choices became.

It had been fun making Emma guess, but truth be told Alyssa was too scared to answer. She had stumbled upon the song late one night as she listened to one of Emma’s recommended playlists, hiding under the covers with headphones in to keep her mother from catching her. The first time she listened to it she knew what Emma had been talking about. Cathartic. That’s what Emma called it the other night.

Still, it felt too personal to share. What if Emma looked at her differently once she found out? And since when did she care how Emma looked at her?

Emma’s look now morphs into one of concern the longer the silence lasts. “You don’t have to tell me,” she assures Alyssa. “Whatever it is,” her eyes drop just below Alyssa’s for a moment before snapping back up, “I know it’ll be amazing.”

A faint blush spreads across Emma’s cheeks, but it’s nothing compared to her own. If her face felt hot before it must be an inferno now. A new tension starts to build in the silence that follows this time. It makes Alyssa’s hands itch, like she needs to _do _something. She’s just not sure what.

Emma’s bottom lip is trapped between her teeth as she studiously avoids Alyssa’s gaze. Alyssa wants to tell Emma that she’s really looking forward to hearing her sing again. She wants to reach out and make this tension between them disappear. She wants—

White hot heat races up her spine as an image takes shape in her mind. Her hand reaching out for Emma’s waist. Emma’s eyes slipping closed as Alyssa steps into her space, tugging Emma closer. Emma leaning in to—

_What the hell was that?_

Alyssa doesn’t have time to process though as a voice calls out for everyone to clear the stage. Forcing herself back to the present, she mumbles something about getting ready and turns to flee before whatever that was happens again.

A hand wraps around her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. It’s a gentle touch, but to Alyssa it feels like an anchor grounding her to the stage. No, to Emma.

Emma’s calloused fingertips rest against the inside of Alyssa’s wrist directly above her now wildly beating pulse. Alyssa prays Emma doesn’t notice. Whatever is happening to her—whatever Emma is doing to her—it’s not something she can deal with right now. Not when she has to go sing in front of other people for the first time in a few minutes. She can only handle one new terrifying thing at a time.

If Emma does notice she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she gives Alyssa a shy half-smile and tells her to break a leg. She follows that with a singular jazz hand since she still hasn’t let go of Alyssa’s wrist. It’s absurd enough to make Alyssa laugh even now and just like that some of the pressure in her chest eases.

As she slips her wrist from Emma’s grasp their fingers brush sending tiny electric shocks up her hand. She sends Emma a bashful smile of her own and manages to choke out a quick good luck in return before Emma is being ushered off of the stage entirely, leaving Alyssa alone with the other unfortunate souls up first.

Shelby joins her in the wings as the first singer sets up, the same calculating expression from earlier in the week on her face.

“What was all of that about?” Shelby asks as she nods over to the spot where Alyssa and Emma were just talking.

Alyssa schools her features before she replies, “What are you talking about?”

“You and Emma Nolan,” Shelby answers, “You two seemed awfully close for people who only worked together once.”

_She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know. _It plays like a mantra in Alyssa’s head as she stares straight out into the auditorium. Alyssa doesn’t have the first clue what she’s trying to keep from Shelby, but she doesn’t like the other girls tone one bit. Or the way she’s looking at her right now. Like she knows Alyssa’s hiding something.

Her throat closes up as the same image from before flashes across her mind. Emma standing right in front of her with those large glasses framing her dark brown eyes. Emma’s long eyelashes fluttering as Alyssa sways closer. Emma biting down on her lip as she leans in—

Shelby waves a hand in front of Alyssa’s face. Alyssa chokes back a gasp before it can escape, scrambling to think of a response.

“We talked about the auditions in Chem the other day. She told me that she didn’t know any other Juniors trying out so I figured she wouldn’t have anyone to talk to,” Alyssa finally looks over at Shelby, “I was just being polite.”

The excuse sounds lame even to her own ears and judging by Shelby’s face she’s not convinced. Luckily for Alyssa, music rings out across the stage and Shelby drops the subject.

Alyssa risks a quick glance around the auditorium to see who stuck around. It isn’t hard to find the rather large group of students huddled up on the balcony. And up there with them, just off to the side, is Emma. She catches Alyssa’s eye and gives her a thumbs up, a dopey grin on her face.

It’s clearly meant to be encouraging, but it only serves to make the tightness crawling up her throat worse. She steps further back into the wings until she’s swallowed by the thick velvet curtain. How is she supposed to go out there and sing when every time she looks at Emma she feels like she can’t breathe?

She spends the first two auditions in a haze and then she hears her name. As she walks out to the center of the stage Alyssa does her best to ignore the two people sitting in the front row, clipboards in hand. Local legend of the stage Dee Dee Allen and the Director of James Madison’s drama program Barry Glickman.

Those two have been running the Spring musical for as long as Alyssa can remember. She hasn’t had much interaction with either of them herself, but she knows they’re both impressive talents in their own right. She knows, because they never shut up about it.

Alyssa can’t get through a budget meeting without at least one comment about how lucky James Madison is to have them as mentors. That’s usually followed by a demand for more money. She considers it a demand because there’s really no other way to construe it. Not when Dee Dee Allen is involved.

Regardless of their antics, Alyssa still feels a certain amount of pressure to impress them. At least if she’s focused on them she won’t be thinking about—

_Nope, stop it. There’s no one else here. Just you, the microphone, and two drama queens. _

Alyssa steadies herself with a vice like grip on the microphone stand. For a moment she can’t hear anything over the pounding in her ears and she thinks she’s going to be sick. It feels a lot like that one time she got a B+ on one of her essays and had to tell her mother about it. Standing under the spotlight, she thinks she would take her mother over this any day.

Mr. Glickman seems to sense her nerves. He gestures for her to take a deep breath and gives her an encouraging nod before he presses play. The opening notes—so familiar to her now—cut through the haze. She has just enough time to take that breath before she closes her eyes and lets the song wash over her.

_It’s not simple to say_

_That most days I don’t recognize me…_

* * *

After it’s over Alyssa rushes off the stage. She can hear people applauding—she’s pretty sure someone even whistles—but she’s too focused on hiding herself back behind the curtain to pay attention. Shelby wraps an arm around her shoulders and squeezes before she slides past Alyssa to take center stage.

Now that she’s done, the relief hits her hard. She sticks around for Shelby’s audition and then the two of them rush out into the back hallway. Shelby starts to head up for the balcony where Kaylee and the rest of their group waits, but Alyssa hangs back. She wants to check the other end of the hall first, just in case Emma’s waiting for her.

The rush of adrenaline Alyssa felt as soon as she was done starts to wane as she stares down an empty hall. She had thought that _maybe_ Emma would come down, just to congratulate her. Disappointment washes over her as she falls in step behind Shelby.

Emma is nowhere to be found up in the balcony either and Alyssa starts to worry. What if Emma’s freaking out right now? What if she feels just as nervous as Alyssa did, only there’s no one there to calm her down or snap her out of it? She wants to go look for Emma, but she’s trapped in between Kaylee and Shelby who are already talking over her. If she can’t go help her now, she’ll just have to make sure she’s here when Emma takes the stage.

Settling in, Alyssa spends the next hour or so trying to tune out Kevin and Nick as they talk about the latest practice drill, focusing instead on the remaining auditions. She’s surprised to discover she actually likes most of them. They still don’t know what musical they’ll be performing—Mr. Glickman told them the surprise adds to the drama—but whatever it is Alyssa’s starting to think she might actually enjoy it.

After almost everyone is finished and Alyssa’s managed to shake off Kaylee and Shelby with a lie about waiting for her mom to pick her up, she’s finally alone and Emma is up next.

Ever since the Fall talent show Alyssa’s been waiting for a chance to hear Emma sing again. And now she’s finally getting her wish. She catches sight of Emma right before her name is called. Since there’s no one else here Alyssa cheers for her at the top of her lungs. Emma’s head snaps up, spotting Alyssa right away. Alyssa waves and gives her a thumbs up of her own.

Emma’s face turns bright red, visible all the way up in the balcony. She can tell Emma’s nervous as she approaches the microphone, but once she reaches it something happens. It’s like Emma’s whole demeanor changes. She stands a little taller, her confidence growing as the music starts.

Alyssa’s glad she had a chance to listen to Emma’s audition song already because she doesn’t hear a word of it now, too mesmerized by the sight before her. Emma is radiant when she sings. All tousled hair and blazing brown eyes. Her voice rings out, captivating and clear. Alyssa can’t look away. She doesn’t _want _to look away.

A familiar heat burns through her—the kind only Emma seems to spark—and like a bolt of lightning it hits her.

She has a crush on Emma Nolan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa's audition song is "She Used to Be Mine" from Waitress in case anyone wants to go listen.


End file.
